PG - "Phrasing Genius"

Shield your eyes! Block your ears! Wrap yourself in cotton wool! If you haven’t got a parent or suitable adult near you, find one now!

This is the kind of commotion a PG rating should inspire, but, alas, it seems that we are all becoming somewhat apathetic towards this would-be intimidating warning. Now, it’s not all the “Mild Coarse Language” that should be of concern (though ‘damn’ and 'blimey’ should be avoided at all costs.) No, indeed it isn’t even the ‘Medium Level Violence’ (The G rated Tom and Jerry anyone?). Nor is it the -dare I say it- ‘Sexual References’ (which, is kind of a sexual reference in itself, AND is printed on the front of the box)…no, we need to be protected from the real enemy…films containing ‘Supernatural Themes,’ ‘Sensuality,’ and ‘Teen Dating’. (not a joke – “The Sleepover" [which I certainly didn’t watch] was seriously rated PG because it contained Teen Dating and Sensuality…far worse than when the protagonist hid in the shower perving on a guy getting unchanged then stealing his boxer shorts…)

How DARE they fill our minds with such filth? It is time that we cracked down on films promoting such extraordinarily terrible ideals. Here’s the really disturbing part though; some films in this category are even rated G!!!

Some offenders are as follows:

Cinderella: This young, teenage girl, with the help of a Supernatural being (claiming to be her ‘Fairy Godmother’) deliberately disobeys the wishes of her parental figure and struts into a royal Ball, where Teen Dating ensues…not only this, she enjoys singing, and talking to mice, thinking that they talk back to her (indicating possible drug use).

The Little Mermaid: She’s a teenage mermaid. She dates a PRINCE. She gads about with talking sea creatures. Her worst enemy is half octopus, half purple. She is passionate about the out-of-sea world. Supernatural, Teen Dating and Sensuality. Despicable.

Winnie the Pooh: They’re all a bunch of playroom toys come to life. Supernatural. They do however get a tick in their box from refraining from teenage dating and sensuality, so children might possibly be allowed to watch this one…provided they sit in a big, empty room afterwards to counteract any boosts in imagination and/or mental stimulation.

Hmm, anyways, I don’t have time to start on Pocahontas or Noddy. Yes, I get that ratings are important…maybe they just need to phrase things better.