“… and then they made me their chief.” It worked for Johnny Depp, so, unable to think of an adequate opening, why shouldn’t I launch into a paragraph mid-sentence? Well, grammer maybe…actually, no! Hey, because it’s a quote I can start midway through a sentence all I want :D Wow, life’s fun when you’re having fun.
So anyways, today was the UMAT, and so brace yourselves – here comes a rambling blow-by-blow account:
I could begin by asking you to cast your minds back, back to last night, but that would be wrong for two reasons:
1) I’m not beginning, because this paragraph is preceeded by two others, and,
2) It would be casting your minds back to your memories, which I could not possibly describe. Why? Two reasons:
a. Though I may have been there for some of it….
Right, that could go on forever, I’m starting again…well, by starting, I mean starting that paragraph again…but wait, that’s wrong, because if I was starting that paragraph again, I would have deleted it, and actually literally started it again. So by starting, I actually mean…
Ok. NEW paragraph. Last night was a flurry of flurriedness, as last minute practice-exam-doing was being done, my phone was kept under extremely careful surveillance as we tried to answer the all important, Shakespeare-esque question: “To Uniform or not to Uniform?” That [was] the question :P (Or, my personal favourite Spike Milligan poem: “Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I’ll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?”)
“The OC” was half watched, before scurrying (just try scurrying…it’s difficult) off to bed. After turning 45, 90, 60, -45, 45+90 degrees, and still managing to not be comfortable, sleep was finally achieved, and sustained, until the polyphonic-ised “Ride of the Valkyries” infiltrated my brain (but hey, it’s better than my alarm clock being what my phone calls “Groove” but which could better be described as “plonkety dirge”) After about fifteen minutes of pure faffing about, bread was transmogrified into toast, smeared with jam, then eatensoquickthatIendedupfinishingitinthecar.
We Smallvilled (that’s traveling while listening to the “Smallville” soundtrack) our way to the showgrounds, where I was one of the first few to arrive. Highlights of the wait included the doors being locked, so fellow UMATees were literally left out in the cold, until about ten minutes later, when we were sent to join them. It’s amazing how many people out of about a thousand you actually know or recognize.
After a surprisingly non-scary bottleneck, we were issued with a seat number, and ushered into the BIGGEST ROOM EVER!!! (That’s right, no other room in the history of MAN has EVER been the same size) Having filled in all the correct ovals, and marveled at the magnificent orangeness, It Began. Then stopped. “Can I please have your attention. Question 8: 1998 Forest Fires. I repeat. 1998 Forest Fires.” It was confusing. Other than that, it all went like clockwork (though I mean that in its intended context, its still a silly phrase. How many clocks are fast or slow and showing the wrong time?)
But anyway, overall its’ been a good day, not least because: DR WHO WAS ON THE FRONT COVER OF THE 7 DAYS LIFTOUT!!!
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
Gibber English
What does one do with themselves without the structure of school to lead you by the hand through the day? You could pass the time constructively, doing homework, or UMAT practice. (certainly not by watching the entire season 3 of Scrubs in less than three days…) You could tidy your room, or… improve your Gibber-English vocabulary!
Take for example:
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
i is good at the english
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
i learn him from a book
That's texbook enigmatic says:
he is a naughty language. Not liking the spik.
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
my dog likes to purple! does yours paper?
That's texbook enigmatic says:
the turtles! the turtles! The lady has the cloth!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the shoe to hit the clock!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
my brothers scarf, it goes beneath the head!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
my brothers hand sock to wear the book!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
No, no, the vase it polished the soot!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
but the soot is my family photo!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
it goes in the mantlepiece, next to the pine!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the papercut lies in the water!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
which is yellowed by the monkey basket!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the monkey basket!! get the table!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
the father has seen the nest!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the birds see the card!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
The card which is the card of my uncle's aunt!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
she is the telephone!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
the grandfather is behind the shell!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the clock is towards the cellar!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
she wants the eel of Christmas!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
not the eel! he is my chopstick!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
it lives beneath the bowl!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
but the cd! the cd!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
it calls my brother in the night!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the bracelet is on the scissors!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
the monkey laughs and the paper it white!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the man in the clock! he wear seven ribbon!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
his shoes the steamer tie!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
*stReamer
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the streamer sees the battery!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
it lights the sky with the fish
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the horse eats the fish's nose's eyes
That's texbook enigmatic says:
while purple, he is the cat
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
but my dog purples!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
he itches without the ear!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the ticket the ear's seven!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
he closes the trapdoor! Pickles!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
pickles!! get the charging bull!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
he reads the word heavily!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the teeths run the pen!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
if only he carary oftener!
Embrace Gibber-English! The language of The Future!!!
Take for example:
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
i is good at the english
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
i learn him from a book
That's texbook enigmatic says:
he is a naughty language. Not liking the spik.
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
my dog likes to purple! does yours paper?
That's texbook enigmatic says:
the turtles! the turtles! The lady has the cloth!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the shoe to hit the clock!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
my brothers scarf, it goes beneath the head!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
my brothers hand sock to wear the book!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
No, no, the vase it polished the soot!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
but the soot is my family photo!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
it goes in the mantlepiece, next to the pine!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the papercut lies in the water!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
which is yellowed by the monkey basket!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the monkey basket!! get the table!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
the father has seen the nest!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the birds see the card!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
The card which is the card of my uncle's aunt!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
she is the telephone!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
the grandfather is behind the shell!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the clock is towards the cellar!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
she wants the eel of Christmas!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
not the eel! he is my chopstick!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
it lives beneath the bowl!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
but the cd! the cd!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
it calls my brother in the night!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the bracelet is on the scissors!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
the monkey laughs and the paper it white!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the man in the clock! he wear seven ribbon!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
his shoes the steamer tie!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
*stReamer
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the streamer sees the battery!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
it lights the sky with the fish
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the horse eats the fish's nose's eyes
That's texbook enigmatic says:
while purple, he is the cat
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
but my dog purples!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
he itches without the ear!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the ticket the ear's seven!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
he closes the trapdoor! Pickles!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
pickles!! get the charging bull!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
he reads the word heavily!
sez ;; capital letters are overrated says:
the teeths run the pen!
That's texbook enigmatic says:
if only he carary oftener!
Embrace Gibber-English! The language of The Future!!!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
The All-New-and-Improved Neighbours!
Once you find yourself treading in the dangerous “Once-Upon-A-Tree-Lived-Some-Pineapples-Who-Didn’t-Like-People territory, you know that you’ve been playing bus travelling games for too long.
…I’m sorry. The previous statement had nothing to do with anything. Personally I blame “Erasure.”
It’s the “Penultimate Day” of Term Two, which means one thing, and one thing only…ASSIGNMENTS! So, taking that into careful consideration, I’m going to catch the fastest tangent-bus away, and concentrate on television.
In a week of heartfelt whinging at t.v’s expense, I feel thoroughly left out, and so would like to put forward the following suggested improvement:
Neighbours. Where is the reality? Boyd is doing a medical degree, and yet is never at university, and instead has spent the last two weeks “gadding about.” It’s time that Neighbours took a leaf out of the 24 book, and started filming in real time. This is most definitely what the Australian public wants, and so I have taken the liberty of preparing the following excerpt from:
“The All-New-and-Improved Neighbours!!!”
[Fades in from Black, to The Opening Credits. Simon and Garfunkle’s “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” plays on loop in the background, while the screen displays various black and white pictures of flowerpots. After ten minutes, this fades out to black. Tense music is playing in the background while the screen remains dark, when it fades to reveal…]
Boyd sitting at a desk, angle-poise lamp trained on a GIANT textbook, while he quietly makes notes in green pen. The camera angle does not change, and there is no sound, except for the incessant dripping of a tap, which gets increasingly louder. After 5 minutes of this…
Boyd: I feel I can stand this dripping no longer!
He walks out of shot. There is three minutes of pure, textbook filled screen, while in the background the sound of an epic battle between man and tap can be heard. Finally the dripping stops, and Boyd re-enters the frame, now wearing a different shirt. This is not explained.
Boyd: Ah! Now. Back to the study!
The scene continues much in this way, including memorable moments such as: “Boyd highlights a paragraph about the lumbar system,” “Car playing Doof Doof music drives past the window,” “Max brings Boyd a glass of Water,” and finally, the episode's cliffhanger: “Oh where has my mechanical pencil gone?”
What do you think? Give the public what they want!
Hmm…or maybe I’m sleep deprived.
…I’m sorry. The previous statement had nothing to do with anything. Personally I blame “Erasure.”
It’s the “Penultimate Day” of Term Two, which means one thing, and one thing only…ASSIGNMENTS! So, taking that into careful consideration, I’m going to catch the fastest tangent-bus away, and concentrate on television.
In a week of heartfelt whinging at t.v’s expense, I feel thoroughly left out, and so would like to put forward the following suggested improvement:
Neighbours. Where is the reality? Boyd is doing a medical degree, and yet is never at university, and instead has spent the last two weeks “gadding about.” It’s time that Neighbours took a leaf out of the 24 book, and started filming in real time. This is most definitely what the Australian public wants, and so I have taken the liberty of preparing the following excerpt from:
“The All-New-and-Improved Neighbours!!!”
[Fades in from Black, to The Opening Credits. Simon and Garfunkle’s “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” plays on loop in the background, while the screen displays various black and white pictures of flowerpots. After ten minutes, this fades out to black. Tense music is playing in the background while the screen remains dark, when it fades to reveal…]
Boyd sitting at a desk, angle-poise lamp trained on a GIANT textbook, while he quietly makes notes in green pen. The camera angle does not change, and there is no sound, except for the incessant dripping of a tap, which gets increasingly louder. After 5 minutes of this…
Boyd: I feel I can stand this dripping no longer!
He walks out of shot. There is three minutes of pure, textbook filled screen, while in the background the sound of an epic battle between man and tap can be heard. Finally the dripping stops, and Boyd re-enters the frame, now wearing a different shirt. This is not explained.
Boyd: Ah! Now. Back to the study!
The scene continues much in this way, including memorable moments such as: “Boyd highlights a paragraph about the lumbar system,” “Car playing Doof Doof music drives past the window,” “Max brings Boyd a glass of Water,” and finally, the episode's cliffhanger: “Oh where has my mechanical pencil gone?”
What do you think? Give the public what they want!
Hmm…or maybe I’m sleep deprived.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Technological Rebellion
I don’t understand my computer’s newfound disdain for me. Not only is it an assassin of conversation, it is an avid supported of the Windows Blue Screen of Death, the dreaded hue appearing at regular intervals, proclaiming the occurrence of some random “Fatal Error” known only by an illuminating name such as: “F110942HK00”.
It’s not as though it is mistreated, or acting out in a pre-teen (it’s only six years old) rebellion. Does it have it’s own space? Yes! Does it get regular attention? Yes! Does it get weekly, time consuming anti-virus scans? Yes!
So what is causing this rift, nay void that’s ever increasing in size? Acting out, it won’t go to sleep when I tell it to, and as a result, takes ages to get going the next day.
…it must be in cahoots with “The Bag.”
It’s not as though it is mistreated, or acting out in a pre-teen (it’s only six years old) rebellion. Does it have it’s own space? Yes! Does it get regular attention? Yes! Does it get weekly, time consuming anti-virus scans? Yes!
So what is causing this rift, nay void that’s ever increasing in size? Acting out, it won’t go to sleep when I tell it to, and as a result, takes ages to get going the next day.
…it must be in cahoots with “The Bag.”
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