All Tied Up

Shoelaces are all the rage; not as in they are popular, but because they induce anger, anger, ANGER!

From the wide spectrum of shoelace consistencies and textures, only a very narrow few have the right shape and friction to be able to stay tied for a period longer than half an hour. The fun irony of this however is that these particular laces are the most susceptible to becoming frayed at the ends, rendering those little round plastic things at the end completely and utterly useless.

As for all other kinds of shoelaces…why they’ve survived so long is a mystery. Not only do they refuse to fulfil their one, solitary task of keeping your shoes on your feet, they also go out of their way to maximise embarrassment, and minimise movement.

Tie them in single, double triple knots, and it still won’t make a difference. From the moment they are intertwined, they begin to plot ways to make themselves (and you) become unravelled. Personally I think that they have springs hidden deep within their seemingly fabric exteriors.

What’s more, they take time to tie and untie, every single time when you wear them! In the end you leave them tied in quadruple knots, and just slip them on and off, which eventually makes the back of the shoe smushy, and much in need of a polish. Fabulous.

So why do we still use them?!? There are endless alternatives: the slip on, the gladiator boot, the buckle, wrapping ribbon around your leg, velcro!!! In the end, once more, and like almost every other killer article of clothing, it’s all about looks.

So yet again, it seems we’ll suffer through another pain of clothing in a desperate attempt to cling to an archaic view of fashion, leaving us loosely bound to both the past, and our shoes. Despite having been proven to be ineffective, shoelaces are still retained because “It wouldn’t have lasted if it didn’t have its benefits.” Ever stop to think that this exact utterance may have been used already for generations upon generations of socked trippers? It’s “traditional,” a useful word for preserving useless things,

They’re classic, their classy, they remind you of Mr Darcy (well not really; he wears boots) ((but it rhymed!)) Shoelaces!!!