SHIrT

Two consecutive days of fitness madness. Aerobics – sounds not-too-bad…that is until the calf muscles seize up, and you’re suffering from lower back pain while you’re frantically attempting to not fall sideways while rocking in yoga, which, when you finally sortof get the hang of it, the teacher tells you to breathe through your mouth, and end up having a coughing fit, which, though for reasons unknown, seemed like the funniest thing ever at the time. And now, after almost the longest sentence ever (72 words or thereabouts) I’ll get onto the actual thingy (there is an appropriate word for it, but I can’t think what it is) that I was going to talk about.

Today was casual clothes day. Long gone are the days of a mere gold coin donation – now, it is $2 or the uniform shop for you…though why they didn’t think of it earlier is mystifying – essentially you double your money…and what is the true meaning of casual clothes day (or “CCD to the zap” as it is known in the more exclusive circles) other than a prime opportunity for everyone to express their “true creative selves?” Why, it’s actually a guise for allowing student one day of freedom in these middle terms from those bleached, glad-wrap-esque fantastic creations, better known as the school shirt.

Buy them new and they’re fine. They come almost with a 3 minute guarantee of “full coverage” But alas, the moment they are exposed (no pun intended) to the actual, outsidetheuniformshop world, they start to show their true colours…or lack there of.

I myself own several shirts. I’ve stockpiled them over my many years. Out of about six (or something like that…I don’t know exactly how many) only one remotely comes near to being only semi-transparent. Of course, all the laws of life would make it, that this single shirt, the only reasonably decent one, is the shirt that is covered in paint! Isn’t life fair?

So how can this problem be counteracted? Now, here comes what could be one of the most ingenious plans ever. You can cover it up with a jumper. Sounds reasonable enough. You only encounter the shirts in the winter months, so it serves to reason that it would be likely that you need to wear a jumper, regardless of the risqué shirting attire. (shirting…a highly under-used word) But here’s the clincher. Here is where: the plan unravels and starts to make no sense whatsoever!!! We live in Australia. Winter here is not as extreme as in other countries. I personally, find it a very rare occasion where it is absolutely necessary to wear my jumper with my blazer (in fact, I find it a very rare occasion where I am willing to wear my blazer at all. You need to be wearing about 7 jumpers in order to just fill out the horrid garment.) Though I know that there are a few who do so regularly. (wear jumper and blazer, not 7 jumpers) But for some of us, this is wear (hehe) a vicious cycle will ensue. It goes something like this.

Step 1: Girl covering up indecent shirt with school jumper. Weather is relatively cold.
Step 2: Girl attempts to leave school while wearing jumper.
Step 3: Girl is threatened with demerits and detentions and other such “d” related things.
Step 4: Girl is required to wear blazer.
Step 5: Girl removes jumper in order to not overheat while in the grips of blazer/
Step 6: Girl wears blazer, and nasty glad-wrap shirt is exposed for all to see…

…she looked more decent in the jumper.

And so ends the strange cycle of the vindictive entity known as: the school shirt.

Could this be yet another chapter of the inanimate objects movement?