Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Real Monopoly

Have you ever walked down a street only to find yourself being sucked inside a building and having money demanded from you by a card wielding property owner?

Monopoly - Teaching us how to function in the real world.

It’s the educational board game that teaches you real life values, and how to handle yourself in the property market. If you play your cards right (literally) you can become a multi-thousandanaire by the end of three hours, and have driven your whole family into bankruptcy or debt.

Conversely, the player who started on a roll (of the lucky dice persuasion) could be holding you and your friends to such a high ransom, that you quake with fear every time you see yourself rounding a corner heavy in enemy houses…

Just. Like. Real. Life.

…or not.

But what would life be like if it really was reflective of a good ‘ol game of Monoppers?

So we’ve covered the whole being suckedbysuperhumanforcesintoahouse side of things, lets get into the whole going to jail aspect.

It’s a nice day, and one is happily walking along when: WHOA! Teleportation Device!!! Suddenly they find themselves trapped in a square prison, diagonally opposite from where they were. But hey, its all good because they can easily get out by either paying $50 worth of bail, or having three cracks at displaying mean feats of luck-having. It’s all good.

They’re out again, and ready to get back to toddling down the street. But HALT! You have to throw a dice to see how many plots of land you can pass! 7 Houses later, “oh good! One of the only three other people who can potentially purchase land in this neighbourhood has neglected to buy this particular property!” Quickly whip out your wallet and take out a percentage of your total of $1500 and pay the bank (which is conveniently located within arms reach) and immediately receive the title of the house.

You wait for the other people to move, then again throw the dice. “CRAP!” you find yourself standing on a giant question mark/hat which tells you that it is necessary for you to pay $100 to everyone else within eyesight for some random reason. Pay up, or you’ll be kicked off the street and into oblivion.

Next move, you find yourself receiving $200 merely for walking around in a complete circle…can’t keep if for long however, because you find that you’ve landed in the tax office, which immediately demands that you pay them for having the sheer AUDACITY to step within ten metres of their building. There goes that windfall…

And then the whole cycle begins again, with the two/three/four/five/six of you circling the block over and over and over again, until finally one of you is rolling in money, whilst the others are frantically searching for things to mortgage, despite being sound in the knowledge that they will never be out of debt for long enough to purchase extensions for their suckinginrenters properties…

Ah well, though maybe not so realistic its definitely an interesting concept.

…and a very fun game!:P

“Do you want to know what my handicap is?” “Yeah! Bowling!” - “21 Jump Street”

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Down with Doors!

As the dominant species on earth we have evolved with intelligence, (which, interestingly I just misspelt…twice) intellect and most importantly, independence, the ability to do things for ourselves…or at least we like to think so.

You’re walking along. It isn't really important where. The only matter of significance is that at the end of the walk, you are aiming to find yourself within a building/shop/classroom (because, like, classrooms and shops aren’t classified as buildings…) Your target comes into sight, the door is only seven steps away and….

Here we take a brief interlude. See, at this point, we are still the picture perfect image of what a dominant species should be. We have the motivation , the willpower and the arm strength to just step forward, and open the door. It is here that society begins to unravel.

…out of nowhere comes someone else, heading towards the same building!!! You’re still about 3.78 metres away, so they get there first and casually swing the door open. That’s where it happens. Something inherent in your mind snaps. You just have to get to the door before it closes.

90 degrees, 70 degrees, 45 degrees…it swings closer and closer to the doorframe. Lurching forward, you get to it just the final inch disappears. Feeling victorious, you swing the door wide open and strut indoors; the hero of the hour.

But what happens if you don’t get there in time? In floods come the depression, the anger, the angst. Second guessing yourself, wondering why, why you couldn’t get there just a nanosecond earlier…

Why do we care so much? If only that other person had not stepped in, there wouldn’t have been an issue. We are all perfectly capable of opening a door.

Maybe it has something to do with the same impulse that powers people to drive across 70 metres of car park to put their rubbish in the dumpster…

So, we have so many books, movies, poems etc. about the inherent flaw within mankind, and the tragic “human condition.” All exploring in excruciating detail, what we are doing to bring about our own downfall, never offering solutions, just doom, gloom, sadness and sorrow, all reasons why there’ll be badness tomorrow...

Did they ever just think to get rid of all doors?

Oh, and this is a good site…if you can catch it :P

http://www.hanttula.com/exhibits/freakyfood/index.htm